Smart Women Staying at Home

This morning on MSNBC's "Morning Joe" there was a segment about women staying at home vs. women in the work force. I would suggest watching it before reading my article.

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

I started college with the goal of graduating with my music education degree, moving to Chicago by myself, teaching inner-city middle school music, and changing the world. I am smart, I am passionate about my beliefs and values, and I am a very quick learner. I had no doubt in the world that I couldn't do what I wanted to do. There hadn't ever been anything I wanted that I didn't work for and get for myself. All I knew was success at the highest level.

Three and a half years through my undergrad, I was still going strong. I was taking graduate level education research classes for fun, I had started competitive ballroom dance to expand my understanding of music and make me a better future educator, and I still had every intention of moving to Chicago and changing education in urban schools.

And then I fell in love. Hard. It wasn't "I love you until we graduate and I leave" like my previous relationships had been. It was "I love you forever." The guy I fell in love with I'd known for 4 years, so it wasn't a "whirlwind romance" or anything crazy like that. But within two months of being with him, I wanted to get married, have kids, and be a stay-at-home mom. I had never seriously thought that in my life. When you're young you think, "Someday I want to get married," and that thought had crossed my mind, but it was never really a part of my plan. Ever.

I went through a crisis: suddenly I, this powerhouse woman who was raised to go after her dreams and test boundaries, was wanting to be domestic?! Why was I presenting my research at state conferences when I wouldn't use it? Why did I hate cleaning the kitchen, but wanted to be a stay-at-home mom? Why had I never changed a diaper and only ever babysat anyone once in my life, but now I wanted kids??

I talked to my boyfriend about it and he was fine with the change in my plan (he didn't really want to move to Chicago, anyway!). Both of us had been raised by very present parents (my mom didn't go back to work until I was 10) and he was thrilled that I wanted to stay at home with our kids!

But I wasn't. How could someone who was on a full scholarship to college and didn't ever touch IQ tests because she was scared of the results being too high (teeny bit arrogant--sorry!) stay at home with kids? How on earth could that possibly be fulfilling for me?! At the same time, having kids and reading to them and playing with them and cleaning up their puke and all the other bodily fluids was suddenly what I wanted more than anything. (Even now as I'm writing this, that last sentence brought tears to my eyes because having a baby or two and getting to be with them is still my greatest hope.)

I started to realize that it was possible for me to have both: a career and a family. I would just teach for a few years after graduation so we could save up some money and then when we decided to have a baby I could quit for a few years so I could stay at home. Once the kids were in elementary school, I could go back to work. Seemed like a pretty good plan; and then I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia.

That was a year ago. I've since gotten engaged to the aforementioned man (He was so amazing to propose to someone with a diagnosis like mine!). We are still planning on having kids, but now we might have to wait longer because I can't teach. I don't have a job (For those of you who saw my post about getting a job last week...she never called me back. Very unhappy about that.) so we are living on one salary, not living on one salary while saving the other salary. I don't even know if I physically can have kids. Fibro patients statistically have more trouble getting pregnant than healthy women. Also, I'm in so much pain at 110 pounds that I don't know what putting another 40 or 50 on would do to me. And then when I have the kid, taking care of them 24/7 might prove to be too much for my stress levels, which means my pain levels would go up and I would be essentially non-contributing to anything. Those will all be bridges to cross in the future.

*Takes deep breath*

So. Like one of the women on the panel this morning said, "Feminism is getting to choose what we want and telling people what we need." I have actually realized in the last year that I like baking, sewing, knitting, designing, and everything else I backed away from because I thought it was too "girly." Even though I had already made the decision that I was going to be a stay-at-home mom when we have kids and now I know I would love it, I feel like my "choice" was made for me a little prematurely.

Joanna Coles, editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan, asked today on the panel, "Is there something innate in women that makes us anxious that we can't do it all?" For those of us who have the world at our fingertips and all we have to do it step into it to succeed, yes. Yes, I am anxious that I'm not doing enough in relation to the amount of intellect that I have. But I am doing what I know how to do: succeed. It might not seem like it, because I'm not bringing in a six-figure salary like she is, but progress is success, and I am progressing.

My decision to stay at home with my kids and then my fibromyalgia diagnosis has made my "job" right now very complicated. My job is to find a way to feel fulfilled and contribute to our little family, while not physically shutting down. I'm not getting to contribute financially very much right now, but I'm using the skills I have to build an empire that will be profitable in the next few years. ChickOpinion wasn't in existence seven months ago. Now, I've got over 500 Twitter followers and 60 articles published on an outside website. I have people asking me for help with their writing. I share lesson plan ideas and educators with more degrees than I do love them. And I give women like me hope. Women who had it all...and, through no fault of their own, lost it. We will succeed, because I will settle for nothing less.

So for me, I will be a stay-at-home mom. This is a choice I have made. But I will also be the founder and CEO of my own company (ChickOpinion) and nonprofit (in the works) by the time I'm 30. It might not make millions of dollars and put me on the "30 Under 30 to Watch" list, but it will be immensely fulfilling for me and I will get to read to my kids every day. I will get to see my children take their first steps while helping thousands of women who feel as lost as I did a year ago learn to thrive. How can I see any of my future as a negative? It's everything I could possibly want--and it's the best of both worlds.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

Almost 10,000 Hits!

I'm 24 and I graduated from college almost a year ago. I'm engaged and planning our wedding for this summer. My fiancé and I live together in a small apartment close to the high school where he is the choir director and theory teacher.

I started the ChickOpinion blog in late August as a way to stay connected with the world while I dealt with my fibromyalgia diagnosis. I've talked about politics, social issues, religion, and personal struggle. I've also gotten almost 10,000 hits in less than six months! I know that that's not "viral," by any means, but it seems like a lot to me. :-) I've also gotten 6,000 hits on my website that I started a few months ago.

I am still unemployed. I've applied for over 50 jobs and haven't gotten any of them. Granted, I've got fibromyalgia so that limits the kind of job I can have. But it's not like I'm not keeping busy--I have a wedding coming up, I'm opening an Etsy shop (today, hopefully, if I can figure out the tax code!), and I do a lot of the household chores.

So how is it that I still feel like I'm just on the brink of something big? I know that a lot of us dream of doing something that gets attention on a big scale. I used to want to be a well-known inner-city teacher, something akin to Erin Gruwell (the "Freedom Writers" teacher). Then I wanted to be an amazing education researcher, published in all the great journals. With the fibromyalgia diagnosis, all of that was put on hold, but I don't think the passion is gone.

I've always had this drive and a knowledge that I can do something bigger than what I'm doing at any given time. I also have an intense urge to help people. I'm really good at social media networking and I feel like that's going to do something for me sometime soon. Hopefully. I'm not necessarily on the drive to be "famous." I don't want to come off like that. I just want to use the abilities I have to help other people, whether it be fibromyalgia patients, third-culture kids (I guess I should do a story on this soon), or smart unemployed young people.

The hats and scarves my Mom and I sent to Hurricane Sandy victims.

So, whether it be through writing, fashion, education, or volunteering, I hope I inspire you. Please keep sending me your stories--they inspire me every day!

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

Debate Rundown: What Undecided Voters Might See

The patriotic cupcakes I made!

Last night was the last presidential debate before the election. I threw a very cool party and, even though only a couple of people came, we had a great time.

In my opinion, the debate was alright. Foreign policy is not a popular topic, and I would venture to say that most people don't know a whole lot about it. I don't like the fact that this was the topic, because I feel like a lot of people were put off by it. I think the moderator could have done a much better job of keeping the candidates from going on tangents, but I think both of the candidates know that Americans are more familiar with domestic policy. I can't fault them for going back to it and trying to keep their audience engaged.

President Obama has a whole lot more experience in foreign policy than Governor Romney, and in my opinion it showed. It looked to me like Romney tried very hard to come to the middle, possibly upsetting some of his constituents, but a great tactic to use. He agreed with the president multiple times, but it just seemed to me that he was saying, "I like what you have done and I would have done the same thing, but I would have done it sooner."

I think Obama's one-liners got out of hand. While the "horses and bayonets" line was funny, I really think him saying, "The 80s called and they want their foreign policy back," was extremely childish. That is what teenage girls say about other girls' outfits (well, not now; the 80s are back!). It just seemed like something far beneath what the Commander-in-Chief should say.

Romney seemed like he was being a little bit like a teenage girl, as well, when he kept saying, "Attacking me is not explaining your policies," and then he turned around and attacked Obama. I mean, I agree with the fact that attacks are petty and childish, but both campaigns are doing it. I think they should both stop. I think it was a great strategic move by Romney to try to make it look like Obama was "attacking" him and he was a victim, but I think it just made Romney look like he was jealous of the prom queen.

I don't know anyone who is an undecided voter, but I want to share what I think I would see if I was an "undecided" and uninformed voter and watched the debates. I am trying to put myself in the undecided voter's shoes and put aside my biases. During my time working in the campaign office, it has become apparent that a lot of voters pick one or two issues and vote based on those issues alone.

I would like to preface this by saying that if you are an undecided voter and you feel that this is a misrepresentation of your views, it is not malicious or intentional.

Romney:

• Strong
• Good speaker
• Doesn't let people walk on him
• Has 5 points in his plan
• I'm still not sure about his math 
• Insincere
• Does he keep changing his views to get more of the vote?

Obama:

• Has 4 years of experience under his belt
• Has 5 points in his plan
• Going to make wealthy people pay more taxes
• Irritable
• Good speaker
• Charismatic
• Stays solid on his views

If I were undecided and uninformed, here is what I would think on certain issues:

Healthcare:

• Obamacare? Isn't that the same as Romneycare from Massachusetts?
• I don't want someone telling me what I can and can't do with my body--either way. I don't want Obamacare telling me what my government-funded healthcare is going to be, but I don't want Romney deciding how women's wellness check-ups and abortions will or will not be covered.
• What's a voucher system?

Economy:

• Romney is a businessman. He would be good at balancing a budget and bringing our country back to where it needs to be financially.
• Did Romney say that we should let the auto industry go bankrupt? Didn't the companies the government bailed out still file Chapter 11 bankruptcy before they got the bailout money?

Jobs:

• The unemployment rate is 7.8% nationally. It was 7.9% when Obama took office. Obama said he would get it to 5.4%. Was that possible? Should I trust his "arithmetic" on other issues, since this didn't work out?
• Obama saved tens of thousands of jobs in the auto industry. That's good.
• Obama wants to hire thousands of math and science teachers. Could be a good thing for teachers. What about other careers?

Gay Marriage:

• Obama supports gay marriage. Romney thinks each state should get to amend their constitutions to either support or deny gay marriage. Does this have anything to do with me at all? 
• Most of the people who don't approve of gay marriage say it's because it goes against their religious beliefs. What about separation of church and state? Shouldn't personal religious beliefs take a back seat to equal rights for all?

Education:

• Romney thinks that there shouldn't be teacher's unions. Does that mean that teachers could just get fired even if they'd been working for a long time? This would make teaching merit based, so maybe our teachers would get better.
• Obama wants to hire new math and science teachers to make sure we get closer to the top in terms of technology development. That's good, because we should stay the #1 country in the world.

Foreign Policy:

• Is Libya by Afghanistan?

Taxes:

• Isn't making wealthy people pay more taxes like socialism?
• I'm in the middle class; I can't afford to pay more taxes.
• Romney says he's going to cut taxes for everyone. How does that work without putting us in more debt?

This is obviously just my opinion on what undecided and uninformed voters might be thinking. But it's interesting, because if you look at it as an "undecided" voter might, it's a close race. I just want to say to the undecided voter, "Please do your homework!" Regardless of who you decide to vote for, know why you're voting for them. This is one of the most important elections of our lifetimes and we need to be informed citizens, using the freedom of democracy to our advantage.

If you need to become more informed, here are the two candidates' websites:

MittRomney.com

BarackObama.com

We have 14 days left until this election. Make it the best 14 days of the campaign. Make up your mind about who you want to vote for and then go campaign for them! Knock on doors, make phone calls, talk to people; and when you get tired, keep going.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

Are Public Schools Pushing Our Little Kids Too Much?

I hung out with a few kids a couple weeks ago and was surprised that a four-year-old didn't know all her letters. This morning I was talking about this kid with my mom, who is a preschool teacher at the University of Louisville's preschool, as well as a reading education specialist. She said that kindergarten is when kids really need to start learning their letters and possibly start learning to read. I looked it up after we got done talking, and on WebMD, it says that ages 6-10 is when kids should start reading. 

My mom told me, however, that their school is getting a lot of pressure to teach more reading and pre-reading techniques because the state is redoing the kindergarten screening procedure. There is now concern that kids are going to start being turned away from kindergarten classes if they don't know the alphabet or know how to read before they are screened for kindergarten. Now, if a kid's brain isn't ready to learn the alphabet, the kid isn't going to learn it. What is it going to do to kids if they are put in remedial groups starting in kindergarten? This is going to completely kill their self-esteem. All kids learn at their own rate. If the official age to learn to read is 6-10, then that means that kids should be able to read by the end of third grade. Third grade. Not kindergarten, not first grade, not before kindergarten!

My sister didn't start reading until first grade. My parents knew that she would be put in Title 1 and dubbed a "slow kid." So, both my sister and I were home schooled for a couple years. My parents held me out because they didn't think it would be good for me to be in public school and my sister to be home schooled; my sister might develop an inferiority complex if that were the case. Mom taught us at home, and it was great for both of us. My sister learned how to read close to the end of her first grade year, and the next year we were both put in public school. She was always within the top 5% of her class for the next 10 years of her public education!

My sister (left) and me playing when we were kids.

If my sister had been put in public school and forced to learn to read before she was ready,  she never would have learned it well at all. She would have been put in Title 1 and always been around kids who weren't even close to her intelligence level. She never would have been integrated in reading class and once she "learned" that she was "slow," there is no way of telling if that mentality and that learned behavior of not understanding concepts would have spilled over into other subjects.

Let your kids play. If they start picking letters out when they're 18 months old, great. If they don't, it's okay. Kids are supposed to play when they're young. The brain at the preschool age is working on learning social behaviors and how to interact with other people. If you are inundating little kids with stuff their brain isn't capable of learning, they won't learn the way they're hardwired to learn. Let them go play. Playing is the whole point of being a little kid, and it really seems like we are trying so hard to make them "smart" that we're not letting them be kids. 

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

What a Weekend!

Wow! We had a fantastic Labor Day weekend! Hope all of you did, too, and took a break from your labor....lol Anyway...

On Sunday, we got our engagement photos taken by our friend, Bailey. She lives in Hazard, so we hardly ever get to see her! It was so good to hang out with her again, and I can't wait to see how the photos turned out! We had her over to our place after the photo shoot to watch the UofL-UK game (Go Cards!!!) and made burgers and talked. Good times. Then she took us to hang out with her family in Cincinnati to watch the Labor Day fireworks! It was great! The fireworks were gorgeous and we met some people who actually live here, so maybe Josh and I will start having a social life soon! :)

Yesterday, Josh and I hosted our first official party at our new apartment! We had our families over and made tacos and had a great time! Lots of food, games, and laughing. We both miss our families, so it was really good to have all of us together.

In the news over the weekend...well, to be honest, I haven't watched it in two days! I did watch Mitt Romney's speech in Cincinnati on Saturday (and took notes so I could remember what I wanted to say for this post!). He started off by saying that Obama is 0-23M in jobs. He also brought up five ways he plans on creating 12M jobs.
1. Focus on using American resources--"our oil, coal, natural gas, nuclear, and renewables."
2. "Make trade work for us." He was talking about how Obama isn't hard enough on trade quality control.
3. In education, he wants to focus on teaching our students "skills to succeed" and he wants to get rid of unions.
4. Cut the deficit to get a balanced budget.
5. "Champion small business" by lowering small business taxes.

He also mentioned getting rid of Obamacare; said that Obama's campaign is really focusing on the divisiveness of the issues between parties and that "America was built on unity" so we need to go back to that.

So. Here are my takes on what he said:

While I understand that 23M people are out of work, the population of the U.S. is 311,591,917, which means that if we are going to assume that if 23 million people are unemployed, the rest are employed, Obama is 288,591,917 to 23,000,000. I thought that was a really good way to present the issue, though, to make Obama look bad, for people who aren't going to actually think that statement through.

In terms of the five point plan, I'm just going to go really quick, point by point. This post is already pretty long, and I want to keep people coming back, so I'll do a quick rundown and then if in a future post I feel like going more in depth on one or more of the points, I will.

1. Please don't ruin the beautiful natural parts of our country by putting more oil lines through and continuing to dig for coal! It's time we take charge of our global environmental future by moving toward all renewable resources! Let's go with wind farms and electric cars, instead of encroaching on endangered species' habitats so we can continue our disgusting, polluting habits! *Note: I have a 2000 VW Golf--it's not a hybrid; I know it isn't good for the environment; it's what I can afford.

2. I don't know enough about this to really have a substantiated argument either way.

3. I actually agree with Romney on this one, instead of Obama. I think merit-based pay is the way to go in education. I have no idea what the rest of Romney's education ideas are, so I can't completely agree with his educational policy, but on getting rid of unions, I'm with him.

4. Yes, we should cut the deficit, but he didn't say how he is planning on doing that.

5. I definitely don't know enough about small businesses and taxes to comment on this. 

You already know what I think about getting rid of Obamacare. 

I really think it would be great for both candidates for them to agree to quit the attack ads. I agree that Obama has some really crappy attack ads, but Romney does, too. I would feel more comfortable voting for someone who spent their ad money telling us what they are going to do for us, not what the other candidate is not going to do.

Before I post this I just want to give a quick shout-out to my high school peer Oksana Masters who, with her rowing partner, took bronze in the mixed double sculls at the London Paralympics 2012 this weekend! You are amazing! This is the Team USA link about her.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world."--Gandhi